Reality Is - What's Your Reality?
There are people out there that just can't seem to keep a relationship going for longer that a few months. Some people are lucky and can go on for a few years before crashing and burning. You know the type - after every break up they sit around looking confused - they were just sure they had the right one this time. In the mean time you are shaking your head - just as confused - only you're wondering  *what the hell they are thinking? How could they not see this was not going to work out? All of the signs were there but they didn't see any of them. What's worst is you have picked up on a pattern that they seem to over look every time and you don't know how or if you should say something.

Why is this clear to you and not clear to your friend? Well, what you have is a  classic case of someone not being in touch with their reality.

It is hard for those of us who are looking for love (in all the wrong places and in some cases even the right place) to accept that they may well be the reason for all of their misfortune when it comes to relationships. If in their hearts and minds they see things much different from the rest of the world - what is there to change? For instance - take a guy - a good guy who just keeps getting taken advantage of by all of his girl friends. He can be the sweetest guy; always helping others - quick to come when called. Paying bills and helping out with children he hasn't fathered but still ending up alone. You may ask yourself (and him) what is he doing wrong or you may just think he has really bad luck. You may feel bad for him and even try to set him up. Nice guys like him shouldn't have to put up with women who don't appreciate him, right? Well, he should if he wants to.

My question would be what's going on in his belief system? What does he believe about himself or others that is the fuel that is keeping him going? What were his relationships with family and friends growing up - what was he taught about women or about his role in a relationship? He may not be aware but his reality - the way he see the world and the world he really lives in could be two very different things. He may be clueless to all of this - he may be totally unaware of the connection  but, he is the connection. He may not be consciously picking these women but he is picking them. Being oblivious does not make you blameless. OK, I am not saying anyone is at fault - lets just say maybe there is something he could do or change in his life - in his belief system that could put a stop to this.

It comes back to something pretty simple. What he knows to be real is the engine that keeps him going - all the while he is in the wrong lane.  Poor soul, he may be a sweetheart but the world is full of  people who could care less.  If he was in touch with his reality he would be prepared and could see the people who would take advantage of him coming  a mile away.

I am Cynthia Williams and My Reality is my Armor.

I had many childhood fears, a lot of them fueled by my love of scary movies (side note: my dad would take me to the matinée on Saturdays back when you could get two movies for the price of one and one of those would always be a scary movie). But  most of my fears had to do with my parents and my younger brother. I don’t know when it began but I would have awful nightmares about losing them and being all alone. It has been with me ever since I can remember. Sure enough the worst thing that could happen did happen. I lost my father by 15 and my mother less than 20 years later. There was nothing I could do and all that worrying didn’t mean a thing - it didn’t save my parents.

I know what you are thinking – she believes she could have done something to prevent their deaths — and the answer is:  Yes, I did.

The fear would move depending on where I was in my life. Pretty soon I was afraid I would lose my husband and my kids, my best friend and even my bosses whom I love like parent.

Somewhere long ago, as a very young child I learned that I was responsible for what happens to the people I love. It is a very heavy load for a child but, at that point in my life that was my reality. It remained my reality for many years – effecting everything I did – it even fed my fear of flying. I never wanted to fly and never with my husband. That’s how I made sure that my daughters would not end up as orphans.

It wasn’t until my mom passed away that I was able to see how long I believed that my actions could keep my love ones alive. Talk about helpless, I watched her take her last breath and there was nothing I could do. I felt more helpless at 30 than I did at 13.

But believe it or not it was a blessing in disguise – a real break through for me. The worst thing that could happen did and guess what I made it through all of  it. It made me take a good long look at myself and why I believed it was my job to save everyone, my job alone. I have always felt this way and I was able to figure out at least part of the reason why. After a good long look I realized:


 I can remember her saying clear as day, I had to take care of my brother – If someone grabs him you go with him. If he get in a fight you fight for  him. I can even remember getting a beating for crossing an empty lot (a BIG no no) and leaving my brother so that I could make it to the bathroom. I was young to young to be his protector but I tried my best. All through my childhood – all through my teens and well into my married, with two kids, adult life. I was the good one and I had to please my mom so that she would love me as much as she loved my brother. That was my reality. DEEP! I know and a much longer story than I can write tonight. But at some point this belief morphed into a life filled with panic attacks, sleepless night and constant worry over family and friends. 

What matters now is where I am today. Oh, I still worry (once an addict right) but now I that I know why I worry and where it comes from – I am able to let go little quicker each time. The fear quickly turns to laughter and I quickly turn the page. Because if the worst thing that can happen does – I already know I will make it through.

I am Cynthia Williams and That is my Reality.