I like to think of myself as the type of person who could run on fumes if need be. I can remember running on empty during an event I was in charge of. The place was pack and everyone needed something from me. That was a 16 hour day. I am very proud to say no one ever knew I was one minutes away from falling down or passing out. Even then I was dealing with some kind of pain.
Today, well it is going on 8pm and I am in bed - I left my day job early and barely made it in the door. I am battling this nerve thing (I say nerve thing because we don't really know what it is yet). It causes pain and numbness that comes and go. It comes more than it goes. I can be up one moment and stretched out on the floor the next. The pain is constant and I am taking more drugs than I wish to, they come with their own set of problem. Not to mention that I am always exhausted for most of the day. It may sound like I am complaining but I'm not. This is my reality - for now - and there is not a day that goes by when I am not thinking about those days when I was taking on more than one project - hell, four or five at my best.
But today was not one of those days and I am not so sure how I feel about that. There was a time when it would have been very hard for me to accept that my health or anything else could get in the way of my plans. I mean we are never taught about the road blocks that take longer clear and de-rail us, sometimes for a undetermined about of time. Thankfully I learned that fighting my present reality increases the recovery time needed. What I mean is when my body is giving out, if I wait for it to totally collapse it will take me much longer to bounce back. You maybe able to force something square into a round hole - if you push it hard enough and long enough but, the end result will be something very battered and bruised.
So this is the only work I will be doing tonight. Today was not a good day to go flying close to the sun - I would get burned for sure. I am going to watch a DVD with my youngest daughter until I fall asleep. This is one of those times when knowing my reality has helped me to make a better choice. Today I choose to take it easy and tomorrow I'll try putting on those wing again.
I am Cynthia Williams and My Reality needs to rest.
Today, well it is going on 8pm and I am in bed - I left my day job early and barely made it in the door. I am battling this nerve thing (I say nerve thing because we don't really know what it is yet). It causes pain and numbness that comes and go. It comes more than it goes. I can be up one moment and stretched out on the floor the next. The pain is constant and I am taking more drugs than I wish to, they come with their own set of problem. Not to mention that I am always exhausted for most of the day. It may sound like I am complaining but I'm not. This is my reality - for now - and there is not a day that goes by when I am not thinking about those days when I was taking on more than one project - hell, four or five at my best.
But today was not one of those days and I am not so sure how I feel about that. There was a time when it would have been very hard for me to accept that my health or anything else could get in the way of my plans. I mean we are never taught about the road blocks that take longer clear and de-rail us, sometimes for a undetermined about of time. Thankfully I learned that fighting my present reality increases the recovery time needed. What I mean is when my body is giving out, if I wait for it to totally collapse it will take me much longer to bounce back. You maybe able to force something square into a round hole - if you push it hard enough and long enough but, the end result will be something very battered and bruised.
So this is the only work I will be doing tonight. Today was not a good day to go flying close to the sun - I would get burned for sure. I am going to watch a DVD with my youngest daughter until I fall asleep. This is one of those times when knowing my reality has helped me to make a better choice. Today I choose to take it easy and tomorrow I'll try putting on those wing again.
I am Cynthia Williams and My Reality needs to rest.